Vail Life

Update to the laptop. After running through the details today I increased my price by 200 dollars. I went for the Intel Processor instead of the Celeron. It was only 200 more and I still get a 2.8 Ghz out of it. Also up jumping to the $200 to the next higher series I went from a 15-inch screen to the 15.4 wide screen. That is defiantly worth the 200 price hike of the laptop. So I ended up spending still a respectable 1400 for the laptop and another 300 on the camera.

So expect pictures of the Porsche by the end of the month as my purchases get here.

Posted by Coign at 1:27 PM | Permalink | Comments

I have been thinking about buying a laptop for a long time now. The biggest reason I don't is because the average cost of a new laptop with decent specs on the cheap side is about 1400 to 1800 hundred dollars. For 1100 dollars I can get a kicking desktop with awesome specs.

But tonight while pricing out laptops again I found that I could get a HP for 1100 dollars and with better specs than I could get at IBM, Dell, Gateway, or Apple. (Yes I considered picking up an iBook because I have nothing against OSX and I will be working with Apples in August.)

It is a 2.8 Ghz, 512 RAM, 60 Gig HD, DVD ROM, 804.11 b/g wireless, with 15 inch display, 64 MB video, and 1024 X 768 display running Win XP Pro.

The bad thing is that it is a Celeron CPU, the video memory is shared, and the hard drive is only 4200 rpm. But to get the same numbers anywhere else I would be paying a minimum of 1800. The cheapest laptops anywhere else were all 14 inch displays and/or 1.5 gigahertz CPUs and they all started at $1400.

In fact I am adding on an HP digital camera because I have always wanted one of those to. It is a 5.1 Megapixel for 299 to bring up my total cost to 1400 dollars. I have thought about it and I have worked on so many other laptops for other people that I really want to be able to move my programs along with my files around to various friends’ houses.

It will also be very helpful to have a working PC that I can bring to work either here at the Marriott or to all the different schools I visit. One of the things I can do is see how much I use the laptop at school and possibly write part or all of it off as tax deductible. That will save me another 400 dollars on the price in what I would pay in taxes. We will see about that though.

One of the things that prompted me to get a laptop was the fact that I had 2700 hundred mp3s on the computer here at work and they got wiped out yesterday. Bastards. It is a good thing I recently got an mp3 player Walkman for my car on Tuesday so was burning mp3s all day yesterday. So I just pop in a CD and listen to mp3s from that. Only issue there is I only fit about 200-300 songs instead of 2700 so I have to swap out CDs every couple of hours to get a mix of artists. I only have about 5 artists per CD.

One last note. I start training in my replacement on night audit on Thursday night so I do not know if I will have time to get a Friday update to my blog then. So I am writing this one today and will try for a quick update on Friday morning.

Posted by Coign at 3:50 AM | Permalink | Comments

So I am a little miffed tonight. Some cocksucking motherfucker whose daddy does him up the ass everyday with an old corncob vandalized my Porsche today.

I noticed it tonight when I walked around my car after arriving at the parking structure. I am assuming it was the little fucks that run around my neighborhood. They tried to steal the Porsche badge off the hood of my car. It is solidly screwed on but that didn't stop them from prying it up at a 90 degree angle before they figured out it was not going to come off.

So now I have to unscrew it and see if I can bend it back into shape or I will have to buy myself a new badge and replace it. I need to hook up about 10,000 volts to the badge and blast the little bastards back across the parking lot.

The other thing that pissed me off tonight is the husband started chasing the damn yippy dog around the house about 7:45 tonight. This wakes me out of a sound sleep. So not only is the damn dog barking its head off, I also hear him pounding so loud directly above my bed that I thought the light fixture was going to fall on me.

Then the power went out again and I lost a document that I was working on in a web page on my PC. The power goes out at least once every two months and this is the second time it died in the last month. I need to get a UPS for my system. It only ever goes out for just a moment but it is enough to fuck up my alarm clock and my PCs.

On a more cheerful note I finally got my application in to Vail Resorts for the help desk position. We will see if anything comes of that.

Other than that I pretty much covered everything in yesterday's post. The only other thought is that I have been working on so many projects I need to find a program to organize my time and thoughts. Right now I use notepad and keep little post-it notes all over my desktop.

Posted by Coign at 1:02 AM | Permalink | Comments

I want to write to update what is going on but I am really not in the mood to write right now. But if I delay I will not update how the last week went at all. So this poorly motivated post is what you will get instead.

The reunion went well. The big exciting incident of the reunion is that one of my classmates, Stacy King, that I had a crush on in high school brought that up at the reunion. For a very brief time I had dated her older sister and because of that and the fact that I think Stacy didn't like me in high school I never told Stacy that I had feelings for her.

But isn't that the difficulty all through life? I know there are a couple of girls at the Front Desk where I work that I would like to ask out on a date but finding the right timing and the courage to do so is always a challenge. But more on that later. Maybe I will make a rant of it depending on how it writes up.

Back to the crush thing. So the only time I finally worked up the courage to tell Stacy was to write her a message on the back of the senior picture I gave her. It said that I had always liked her in school and I wish we could have seen more of each other. When I handed it to her I got the look of, "What is this loser doing by handing me a love note?" I quickly scuttled away and left that embarrassing moment behind me. It is that sinking feeling that always rises up anytime I want to ask a girl to do something. That feeling of rejection is one of the most difficult fears to face and no matter how many times you might get a positive response it is always the negative replies you received throughout life that will haunt you.

Well the reunion crush flashback was at least a much more positive experience. I did not feel unattractive there and she asked me what I had found attractive about her. I was answering when another classmate interrupted us and that subject was then dropped. But we did flirt a bit that night. She still looks good but is currently living in South Carolina. I do not have long distance relationships and I am not attracted to one-night-stands anymore. I am getting to the age that I want to find a girl and look for something more long-term. But the flirting did raise my self-confidence and reminded me that I am not the "loser" I was back in high school.

Other than the reunion it was great to see all my old friends again. I miss being able to gather a group of 10 to 15 together and take over a bar. That is what I dislike most about Vail or at least me working nights here. I do not have that group of friends to call on. Even if it was just a few of us we easily could gather a group of 5 on almost any night of the week. Here I have 2 friends and with them both being married with children it means that they no longer visit the "bar scene" on any regular basis. To meet others I need to meet people at work. And everyone that regularly goes out at work, work the 4 to 11 shifts. So when they are meeting, socializing, and becoming friends, I am working. I know everyone at the Front Desk but I am not friends with any of them.

That is why I am hoping that will change as soon as I change jobs. Either on August 2nd when I start working for the county or if I find a better solution before then. Also I am thinking that it might be a good time to screw my courage to the sticking point and ask one of the girls at the Front Desk if they would like to go to dinner. But I will test those waters when I get closer to August.

As for daily life I want to do something to better my life each day. It makes me feel like I did not waste that day. Actually if I can hit 3 goals a week that would be pretty good.

Tuesday I solidified my moving to a new place to live which will happen about mid-July. I told my roommates on Tuesday and I laughed at how it "came across as a shock" that I wanted to move. I mean come on, how stupid can some people be? Then Wednesday I got a new post office box because the one I share with Jay and Jamie will be closing when they move back to San Diego in mid-July. Tomorrow I will start changing addresses to reflect that and start working on updating my resume. I will also send my resume to Vail Resorts even if it is not finished. I need to get that in because I have put that off for long enough.

Well I think that about covers it for now. One of the things I like about writing about my life is that even when unmotivated once I get started I can usually drop about 1000 words. I just wish it were this easy to do everything in life.

Posted by Coign at 1:56 AM | Permalink | Comments

Well I didn't do a post last Friday and I will not be doing one this weekend so let’s catch up.

The Porsche is running good. I got a new battery for it and I will be looking at getting some new tires soon. In fact as I type this I forgot to talk to Terri about jumping online and ordering the tires for me from Sam's Club like she offered. Dang it. Oh well, hopefully I will remember to do so tomorrow.

After thinking about buying a house a lot this weekend I came to the decision that I do not want to place myself in a situation where I would require the income of a second person to make rent. It is one thing to keep my job but if I had a roommate where I worried about his income that would be more stress than I could handle. I can pay for a 1000 a month rent, but a 1400 - 1600 dollar rent bill is a little above my means and that is what I would be paying minimum for a 2-bedroom out here. So I talked to a friend of mine out here and I might be moving into his house come July or August.

Second the same guy that is talking to me about moving into his house also keeps selling me on getting a job with Help Desk at VR (Vail Resorts). The income would be like 30,000 a year there. The benefit of that job if I got it would be that fact that I would not need to worry about a summer job to fill 4 months every year and the chances for promotion are better than the County job

I would kinda feel like a mercenary if I got the job and accepted it as I worked hard in my interview to Eagle County to assure them that I would be a good employee that would not walk out on them. But really how can I compare security and more money to a job that would be seasonal in a school year? The Eagle County job at most will pay 25,000 a year and will make me stressed for 4 months out of a year. I guess I will try for the new job and swallow my feelings of guilt for disappointing Eagle County if I should get offered the Help Desk job.

Well I was looking over my plane ticket this morning for Wednesday. When I booked my flight in Christmas I had a morning flight that left at 10:30 am. For some reason I was thinking this flight would leave the same time. Today I re-read my information and realized that it is leaving a 7:45 am and I was scheduled to work that morning until 7 am. Also keep in mind I live 2 hours from where that flight is leaving. So for the first time in the year that I have worked at the Marriott I will be missing a shift I was scheduled for.



Sorrow, Depression, Hopelessness, Death.

Everyone at one time or another goes through these feelings. I had ranted on suicide in my main page a while back but this is not about suicide.

I was recently bouncing through some old posts and I ran into my 8 Bit Theater link that I had not visited in a long time. He talked about a really good writer he will miss that posted the end to a saga of short stories he was writing the day before he committed suicide.

So my morbid sense of curiosity got the best of me and I went to the site of the stories. The stories are of a super hero with all the greatest powers of the world. He can fly, read minds, see through walls, is invulnerable, super strong, and can stop a man's heart with a thought. The stories can be found at www.unknownhero.com. They are a short read but really good. They are in fact so well written that they made me feel something I told myself I would never feel. They made me miss this guy after he committed suicide.

Now when I talked about suicide in my rant I said that I show no pity on those who take their own life. I still don't. But this guy's life really makes me question some people's self image. I have a fairly low self image and really I think all people do not see the talents they each have. I believe each of us sees ourselves as less than we actually are. But how low do you have to go to finally decide that you either want to test the theory of an afterlife or screw the possibility of an afterlife, you just feel that this life can give you no comfort, ... ever.

This guy had his girlfriend break up with him on the 24th of May, realized he had not accomplished the dreams of a 12 year old on the 26th, turned 25 years old on the 27th, and took his own life on the 28th.

His writing had a fan club that was slowly growing, from the replies and postings I have read so far from his Uncle and Mother it seems he had a family that loved him, and he had a true talent for telling a story.

I weigh the pluses and balances of what I see in his life as an outsider, and granted the internet presence is just a sliver of a view into a man's life, but JESUS FUCK!! If I have ever heard of a more stupid suicide I don't know.

Now I don't know much more about the guy, maybe he was fucked with drugs or messed in the head. Maybe he was the elephant man or a paraplegic. But when ever a talented artist who really spreads works beyond themselves to the outside world feels the need to take their own life, that is the worst of tragedies. It is one thing if you are a useless piece of meat sack that will not make any more difference beyond the 15 people you know. Fuck it, there are too many people on this rock, off yourself and rid the world of your depressive whining. But if you are one of the few gems that has the ability to touch a larger portion of humanity or are making lives better through public works or entertainment, then to remove yourself off this world means that you have committed a crime against humanity.

This is one of the reasons I created this website and why I post my rants. If I do something that will carry on after me, if I can affect people beyond the 15 people I know, if people I do not even know will miss me when I am gone, then I have done something to make a difference in this world and could die with satisfaction.

It is also this fear of lack of accomplishment that makes me fear death. I discovered this website 2 days ago and the more reading I did the more I kept thinking about death and how much it would suck. For some reason reading about this guy's death and reading some of his last words ever written on this world really freaked me out.

And so to share with you some of the last words of a dead man here is the last Live Journal reading of the author, Michael Buonauro and a reply from a friend of his talking about his death.





mbuonaurowrote,
@ 2004-05-26 21:42:00

i was born at 5:52am on may 27th in florida, did you know that? i'll be 25 tomorrow morning.

when i was 12 years old i made a time capsule and i wrote myself a letter. the capsule was to be opened in 12 years.

so, last year, i opened it up and read the letter. i really let 12 year old me down. of all the dreams he had, i hadn't done any of them.

but i don't have dreams anymore. i only have nightmares.

when i dream now it's dark. there's no way out of it. there's nothing to take me from the darkness. there's nowhere to go. it's hot and dark and quiet. no matter how far i go, i can run forever, and it never ends.

that's what i dream. that's what i see every time i blink.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

presenze
2004-06-08 22:26
Michael Buonauro, friend and user of iRev, ended his life May 28. We remember how incredible Michael was: Creative, funny, thoughtful, and caring.

Michael uploaded to his unknownhero.com website the final chapter of his "Marvelous Bob" story, seemed to make right with himself and those around him, and then ended his life. He uploaded the final chapter the day before his death, but did not publish its existance on the main website.

In the final chapter the main character, the hero Bob, dies. The Hero's last thought is of his beloved Gracie. In his death, he gives his strength to the city, giving the city his powers to resolve their conflicts and crises. He dies for a purpose, a good purpose, with a good heart.

The final chapter to his book was published today at http://UnknownHero.com

Michael's mother has posted an open letter for Michael's friends and fans on Michael's personal website,

Posted by Coign at 3:33 AM | Permalink | Comments

Well off to bed, I just got back from Denver. I just bought a 1987 Porsche 944S there. Some pictures of the Porsche would be here. http://images.google.com/images?q=Porsche%20944s%201987&hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi

I have a red one with moon roof. I will try and get some actual pictures taken of it some time later.

Oh yeah, I paid cash for it with the money I had saved up for closing costs for a house. I got it for 1800 dollars and if choose to could easily sell it right now for about 3000 dollars. I want to do a little work on it this summer and drive it around this summer, possibly store it this winter and maybe sell it next summer.

Unless I get a decent approval for a home loan before than, and then I will resell it for the quick 3 grand.

Oh, and I can not get over saying, "I'm a Porsche owner now." Hee hee.

Posted by Coign at 2:00 AM | Permalink | Comments

Gah I am tired tonight. I got up at 8 pm last night to visit a friend before work and then after working all night had my orientation at Eagle County at 10 am that morning. Orientation lasted until 1 pm and then I went to the bank to meet with my loan officer about the next step in my house loan and grabbed something to eat on the way home. So I finally got to sleep about 3 pm. A quick 6 hour nap after being up for 19 hours wasn't quite enough.

So filling out my paperwork for the school job was interesting. They treat my job as a Teachers Assistant position so I have to go through an FBI check and all kinds of paperwork to fill out as my job does not make social security payments. I also got to go visit the orange suits in Eagle County jail, as I needed to get fingerprinted for the job. The whole buzzing in through the doors and getting scanned and everything. I felt like a celebrity. Just like Kobe. (This is the place he was booked and fingerprinted at.) I think it was a remainder, if you are a pedophile you get to go here.

After getting done there I went to my bank. I had to turn in the forms I had filled out and I once again talked to my loan officer about roommates. One of the things I told him is that if I only had one roommate paying rent and his income was 25,000 or less I could still qualify for Down Payment Assistance as the top end of that is at 53,000. That would not be the best Down payment Assistance as the best one is at 48,000 and I would only need to cover 1000 dollars, but even the bigger one I still only need to cover 3000. He is running the numbers hopefully today and I will hear back either today or early next week.

EDIT* since I never got a chance to post this I will update here. With a renter I only qualify for 115,000. So no house for me through First Bank. I will try a couple of moneylenders and see what my results are there and compare.

Then tonight I had some excitement. Some guy who seemed lost in his own mind asked me if we had a parking structure. He told me he had parked in Lionshead or something. I figured he had parked in the public parking structure about 3 blocks away. So I gave him instructions and sent him on his way. This was at 11:30pm

Then at 1:30 in the morning this lady comes down looking for him. He went to park the car and 2 hours later he was still gone. I had my security help her look in between here and the structure but they did not see anything.

Well to finish up this story quickly to get it posted, guest came in at 4 am. It looked like he had been sleeping outside for the last 5 hours in an oil puddle. I sent eth guest up to his room and called the police to let6 them know the man had been located. Soon after I had 4 squads, followed by a fire truck ad an ambulance. The guest was later escorted to the hospital.

Posted by Coign at 12:36 AM | Permalink | Comments

So I talked to the loan officer today. From what he told me to qualify for assistance I can not have renters. Which means I would need to have cash for a down payment. Of course I do not have 25,000 dollars lying around so I will not be getting a 200,000 dollar house.

It seems that I might be able to qualify without renters for a 175,000 dollar house and they are putting in some new affordable housing in Edwards and I might be able to get a 1 bedroom condo for as low as 125,000. Even that would at least earn me equity even if I don't feel the resell value on a 1 bedroom would be very high.

I would like at the least to try and get a 2 bed 1 bath because I feel a newly wed couple (what I figure would be the majority of first time buyers) would want a second bedroom to start a family. If it is only a 1 bedroom, well you are pretty much only reselling to bachelors and we are notorious for not making money so it would be much harder to resell the house. And as a last resort, equity is equity.

But the loan officer hasn't even looked at my credit rating, and only looked at my income. Now I am going to boost my numbers for future income as I get my new job and work part time at other jobs so hopefully I might still be able to work something out.

The other thing I have discussed with friends is seeing if I can get a better deal by bypassing the bank and going through a mortgage broker. My friends that have been helping me have both bought or looked at buying more than one house and they have some contacts they think might be able to help me yet.

So at the end I am let down a little by what I thought I could do. Like getting a house for 75,000 more than I could afford by having an additional 15,000 a year income through roommates. But at least I am still in the area of affording a house, even if it amounts to a hole in the wall.

Posted by Coign at 12:59 AM | Permalink | Comments

So I paid 40 dollars for a credit report and FICO score. I have a 740 score for my credit report which puts me in the 5% default bracket on a loan. That means 5% of all people with my credit rating will go more than 90 days on a missed payment or will declare bankruptcy.

All in all not to shabby of a credit score for not making very much money. I may not be rich, but I am dependable.

So my next step now is to talk to the First Bank of Avon where I bank. They also participate in some low cost housing loans with Eagle County and some programs through them that I hope to qualify for to get up to 11,000 dollars for a down payment.

If I can match that with a 95% or higher loan, I am shooting for a 100% financing since I have no money except 2000 dollars that would cover closing costs, then I hoping to get approved for up to a 250,000 loan and would look at buying a house in the 200 - 235,000 range.

So I take a deep breath cross my fingers and think of ways to make money. First off would be adding a renter to my house. One renter at 500 dollars a month would bring in 6,000 dollars. And at 200,000 I am hoping for at least a 3 bedroom 2 bath and thus can have two renters and double that.

Second as I crunch numbers I am thinking of keeping the hotel job part time and if I can get 15 - 20 hours a week I will bump my own salary up 9,300 to 12,400 a year. So top those numbers on to a 25,000 dollar a year salary and hopefully I think I can make this work.

So everyone wish me luck and hopefully by August I will be closing on a house.

Posted by Coign at 6:06 AM | Permalink | Comments

A test of my new blog design and the ability to comment directly on the posts.

OK it seems that you can now post comments. You can only post comments starting this post and newer though as the old posts do not have the code to post comments.

I will enable the comments for the Think For Yourself blog but I think I am going to leave my Rant blog alone and leave comments disabled on that one. The Rant is meant to be discussed in a forum with feedback back and forth, not through some impersonal anonymous flaming like your rant sucks ass style.

Posted by Coign at 5:31 AM | Permalink | Comments

I laugh at myself sometimes. Things like a pop song can pick up my mood so much and make me very happy. I really like No Doubt's song "A Simple Kind of Life". It always puts me in a good mood and wakes me up.

Gah, feelings. Hmm must watch football and drink beer to purge these evil sensations.

Posted by Coign at 3:27 AM | Permalink | Comments

Well I was wandering through my site and realized I have not updated the Think For Yourself site in about 2 weeks. I have started so many projects that it is tough to stay concentrated on any single one. And then trying to transcribe a radio show, that takes a lot of time.

Then I have just gotten lazy the last week and spent time just reading and playing Diablo II. The reading part is good as I am reading a book I got from Justin about secret societies and various religions of the world. It is always good to expand your knowledge. The Diablo has just been a stress reliever to give me some time for myself.

It is such a mindless game it is easy to just lose yourself in it and kill a whole day. Even though I have a feeling of having not accomplished anything for the day I am also happier with myself for not doing anything and just relaxing and taking time to enjoy myself. So it is a tradeoff that I am happy with.

Well looking at the Think For Yourself site I am thinking that sometime this weekend I will need to do some work on it. I do have some news stories and updates I would like to post to it. Hopefully I will get some updating done on it and clean it up. Lord knows it needs it.

Posted by Coign at 1:20 AM | Permalink | Comments