Thursday, October 26, 2006

Overworked

And that is not quite true. I don't have too much work, but what work I do have just always seems to be on the verge of overwhelming me. A lot of what I am being asked to do lately consists of me getting a problem and then having to mull it over for a few days poking at it until a solution comes to me. Some of my problems have taken four months of me poking to release a couple of ideas. Not a ton of projects but they are just all so BIG.

Now I am on a Training and Development committee. Our goal, "Increase the effectiveness of training and development to increase overall profit margins." Basically we are a group of employees told by management to figure out how to make us all smarter. Yeah I know it sounds like we were just told to do management's job. But hey, have you ever been in a job were management did their job? I figure at least give it to us so it gets done right, rather then not at all.

I am lucky enough to head up the committee along with a fellow employee, Kerry. Kerry is knowledgeable but really quiet at the meetings. That is ok with me. I don't know a lot about our current training practices but I am loud and good at public speaking. I guess you could say that I am becoming a manager. I may not know a lot but I know how to say it well. And one of my big motivations for volunteering for this role is that it is another way I can increase my managerial skills and get noticed by the company. Always a good thing.

Still waiting on Watcher to post my tat so I can steal the pictures and host them on my site. He told me he thinks he will get them up this afternoon.

Outside of work: I am so busy doing stuff when I am not working that I don't have time to do stuff. Trivia has really taken a down turn. Last week it was only Watcher and I who showed up. About 9 or so we were joined by Tauso and Wink. Then an hour later Wink left us leaving us with only two in our group. Oh and Kat swung by for about 30 minutes to.

It is just really crowed with the seasonals now. I also found out K man is leaving back for New York and without Kat, Special K, or Gen showing up regularly anymore it has just lost a lot of its luster.

On the other days I am just to busy to unwind. TV Monday and Thursday and D&D on Wednesday; I just feel so busy.

Then the weekend comes around and it completely flips 180 and I have nothing to do. Basically I spend time each weekend cleaning my house but other then that I have be re-reading a lot of my novels in my library.

People ask me how I am doing. I don't know how to respond. Am I happy? Not really. But I am not sad so don't feel bad for me. I am really feeling like for the last couple of weeks I have lost touch with any emotion that I might be capable of.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

I got a new tattoo on my leg last night from Watcher. I will post pics in Misc. and drop a note here as soon as Watcher puts them them up on his site.

As for what it is, well you will have to see it and be amazed.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

I found out this weekend it is possible to do negative activity. Where you 'NOT' do something so strongly it wipes out other stuff you may do.

How can I do negative activity you ask?

On Saturday I did laundry. This took me about 15 minutes of "work."

On Sunday I have finally removed the load of laundry from my dryer. I have now concentrated on NOT folding them so hard I think they have gotten dirty again by just sitting in my clothes basket.

When three in the afternoon today rolled around I cleaned my ferret's cage. By the time I was done with that I fell asleep for two hours. I did not decide to fall asleep; it is like some strange form of narcolepsy.

It was not even a decision to "be lazy" this weekend because that would have meant making a decision. It is like nothingness took control of my body and said no matter how much you are thinking otherwise going into this weekend, know that you will become nothing for two days.


Being nothing is not that bad. You are so full of nothing you do not even feel guilty about it.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Oh yeah, God hates me. That laptop? About 50% into the format the hard drive crashes. So now I have one ordered and the reformat will be delayed until that gets here.

I am just overloaded with little things that need to get done and the due date was last month. But I am slowly making progress so it is not all bad.

As for my out of work activities, well I am glad that work is being such a bear so that when I am not in my weekly routine, I am not thinking about anything except how I am glad I am not at work.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

It is Wednesday. I am finally starting the re-install of the laptop I talked about on Monday. It took me two and a half days to get the data recovered and off-loaded so I could reformat the damn machine.

Well so much for doing any big projects this week.

For the first time in over a year I left trivia night. I was not in the mood to stay until Midnight at a place I was not having as much fun at as I used to. Instead we went over to IdFungus's and watched Over the Hedge. That movie is flipping hilarious.

Monday, October 16, 2006

I am so frustrated right now.

This Friday one of our developers installed a VMWare image on our HR Vice President's laptop. It completely destroyed the boot partition/pointers. I can't get the damn thing to boot now. I attempted for the last hour to fix the boot partition but it still returns the error, "No bootable hard drive." I just don't have time to rebuild a machine right now.

Excuse me while I go kick a puppy now.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

OK this is the last, last touchy-feely post.


Same old story:

Boy meets girl

Girl is unattainable

Girl kisses boy

Boy is confused but likes girl more

Girl tells boy she doesn't like him that way

Boy is sad




Oh well. Like a band-aid being tore off, now I can finish healing and move on. Where's my jacket? I am getting out of this party for a bit. Who shit on the jackets!?!

Monday, October 09, 2006

Well I suppose I should start posting here again. I actually wrote four posts the last couple of weeks to put up here and then deleted them. They talked about how I was feeling and emotions I was thinking about even though I told myself I would not look so closely at myself. Confusion, sadness, happiness, followed by more confusion and sadness made up the basic feelings I was running through when I let myself feel.

I guess in the end I realized that for me to talk about how I feel means that others around will be concerned about if they were causing these feelings or what they can do to help. The reality is that I really have no idea what is going on in my life. I have a couple of friends that will always be there for me and a few friends that I really enjoy hanging out with while I have them. I just don't know what the future will bring and as I motioned to a friend, "I have stopped looking at next week and started looking at tomorrow. It is a lot less painful."

But because I want to make sure I don't not hurt anyone's feelings due to my emotional turmoil this will be my last "touchy-feely" post. I will now return you to my boring list of activities style of posting.

So what have I been up to in the last couple of weeks? Not a whole lot. It is nearing budget time come November so I have been fielding a ton of sales calls. Basically I will be asking for a bigger budget then the last two years combined. This scares me because if I ever had enough rope to hang myself, this is it. For the first time I will be doing something that really puts my job on the line. That fact scares the living bejesus out of me.

As far as social events go, I am back into my winter routine minus the snowboarding. I have added Monday night Heroes to my list of events and I watch that with two of the most beautiful women on Earth. Tuesday is still trivia night. Wednesday night is game night. Thursday Smallville is back. And Friday through Sunday are my down time days that I make a point of not making plans for. Come this winter they will be snowboarding days.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Silence for a while longer

Past the mission
Behind the prison tower
Past the mission
I once knew a hot girl
Past the mission
They're closing every hour
Past the mission
I smell the roses